I am not sure that I will ever be less paranoid. I had a 'snack' today.. a bowl of cereal at almost midnight that I guess I didn't need but maybe just wanted. I automatically put up barriers and got defensive when my other half asked "You're still hungry?'.. I think when people say keep your weight loss as a secret it's one of the best pieces of advice.. you never feel as if you are off the hook when people know that you're trying to slim down.. you feel constantly judged for the choices you make. It's not a fun place to be.
Going out for an Indian I tried to make wise choices, naan bread with no butter, chicken tikka and one seekh kebab. Hadn't really had breakfast (unless you count a banana pre-run at 11 am), but I still have this dislike of going to places where I don't know how much things are, the calorie count, the method of cooking. It makes me nervous, I won't lie. I want to stop thinking like this, I don't know how. I miss having my little sister around and feel as if what Simone said was right, that J is a bad influence, consciously or subconsciously, that his influence doesn't do me any favours. Of course he will argue that he is doing nothing wrong, it's myself..and to a degree it is. What's stupid is that it's not even that he makes me feel fat, every day he has been telling me that I am beautiful, slim etc. I don't know whats wrong with me. Perhaps just in a stupid funk.
-sigh- Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I finished week 5 of my c210K training..tomorrow I do a 5 minute warm up followed by alternating 4 10 minute runs with 1 minute walks and then another 5 minute cooldown.. which totals a 40 min run and 13 minutes of walking. The idea is that at the end i'll be able to run 60 minutes continuously..errrrr not sure about that but I will persevere..
Off to bed now where I will probably lie awake feeling sorry for myself and wondering why I am so obsessed! arrrrgh xx
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
In a dilemma...
Okay.. so. Updates.
I have been a good little gymbunny, working out regularly.. this week I ran in the park twice (today and on Monday).. and went to the gym on Tuesday and Thursday, giving myself a break day on Wednesday, as it was rainy and cold and I was stressed out with everything that's been going on this week.
I'm still all over the place weight management wise, as the weight didn't budge as we know on Wednesday. I've decided to make two changes. I've started the calorie cycling and am on my third (fourth?) day now.. so I've had two high days and two or one low day..maybe it's been three days.. with exercising on all days.. I'm not really sure if it will work but it's sorta like something I did when I was on WeightWatchers - alternating the amount of points I had each day.
Speaking of WW, I'm seriously tempted about starting back.. I know the point of this blog is to become slim WITHOUT a diet, with something that is compatible with daily life, and I know I got super paranoid counting points..and that's what I didn't want. Though maybe that's just my personality..as I am now fairly paranoid counting calories.. I do cut myself slack if I'm a little over or under though. Maybe it's because points are worth so much more than 50-100 cal here or there.. Hmmm. This new plan on WW takes into account protein and the fact that your body works harder to digest it, and higher protein foods have less points.. Anyway a close friend started on it last week and has her first weigh in tomorrow so hopefully she will be honest and tell me what her results are.. the jury is still out.
The other change I made, well, only an hour ago, was to start drinking protein shakes again. I've been working out a lot with resistance training too, lifting weights, squats, crunches etc.. and I find that I'm not really as hungry around meal time. Breakfast tends to be cereal, maybe with some toast if I have a busy morning, lunch is something light and dinner is usually salmon or chicken with vegetables.. So I find myself having lots of calories left over, and thus I pick at low-cal snacks. Which is stupid in a way because I can put away a bag of skinny popcorn, a low cal cupcake, a blueberry and yoghurt bar.. what's the difference in that compared to just eating one really satisfying lemon and poppyseed muffin instead?!?.. anyway the point is, I guess I am eating a lot of junk instead of real food. I do eat a banana or some other fruit here or there..
The protein shakes are about 180 calories each, a little bit more if I mix them with a yoghurt to make a sort of smoothie.. I've been thinking about substituting them for the junk instead. I bought them a while ago and I may as well finish them.. -sigh- I don't know.. I guess I will keep at these two changes at least for two weeks to see if they make any difference.
On the plus side I tried on a few outfits today that wouldn't have fit me a while ago and was loving the way they looked. As it's still fairly cold here it's mainly jeans and hoody weather or bulky coats at least, but come summer time I'm ready to be taken out with all my outfits I have planned :)
Anyhoo that's all I can think of now, maybe more tomorrow or very soon :) xx
I have been a good little gymbunny, working out regularly.. this week I ran in the park twice (today and on Monday).. and went to the gym on Tuesday and Thursday, giving myself a break day on Wednesday, as it was rainy and cold and I was stressed out with everything that's been going on this week.
I'm still all over the place weight management wise, as the weight didn't budge as we know on Wednesday. I've decided to make two changes. I've started the calorie cycling and am on my third (fourth?) day now.. so I've had two high days and two or one low day..maybe it's been three days.. with exercising on all days.. I'm not really sure if it will work but it's sorta like something I did when I was on WeightWatchers - alternating the amount of points I had each day.
Speaking of WW, I'm seriously tempted about starting back.. I know the point of this blog is to become slim WITHOUT a diet, with something that is compatible with daily life, and I know I got super paranoid counting points..and that's what I didn't want. Though maybe that's just my personality..as I am now fairly paranoid counting calories.. I do cut myself slack if I'm a little over or under though. Maybe it's because points are worth so much more than 50-100 cal here or there.. Hmmm. This new plan on WW takes into account protein and the fact that your body works harder to digest it, and higher protein foods have less points.. Anyway a close friend started on it last week and has her first weigh in tomorrow so hopefully she will be honest and tell me what her results are.. the jury is still out.
The other change I made, well, only an hour ago, was to start drinking protein shakes again. I've been working out a lot with resistance training too, lifting weights, squats, crunches etc.. and I find that I'm not really as hungry around meal time. Breakfast tends to be cereal, maybe with some toast if I have a busy morning, lunch is something light and dinner is usually salmon or chicken with vegetables.. So I find myself having lots of calories left over, and thus I pick at low-cal snacks. Which is stupid in a way because I can put away a bag of skinny popcorn, a low cal cupcake, a blueberry and yoghurt bar.. what's the difference in that compared to just eating one really satisfying lemon and poppyseed muffin instead?!?.. anyway the point is, I guess I am eating a lot of junk instead of real food. I do eat a banana or some other fruit here or there..
The protein shakes are about 180 calories each, a little bit more if I mix them with a yoghurt to make a sort of smoothie.. I've been thinking about substituting them for the junk instead. I bought them a while ago and I may as well finish them.. -sigh- I don't know.. I guess I will keep at these two changes at least for two weeks to see if they make any difference.
On the plus side I tried on a few outfits today that wouldn't have fit me a while ago and was loving the way they looked. As it's still fairly cold here it's mainly jeans and hoody weather or bulky coats at least, but come summer time I'm ready to be taken out with all my outfits I have planned :)
Anyhoo that's all I can think of now, maybe more tomorrow or very soon :) xx
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Trying to lose weight makes me hate myself..
Yes.. it's true.
Having jumped on the scale for the second week in the row and stayed the same, despite all my best efforts, I felt rubbish. I know all the things that should have been running through my mind..
A) Staying the same is better than gaining weight
B) I -did- eat out all week practically and eat whatever I wanted too.. bubble tea.. haagen dazs.. lots of starbucks..
C) I'm not fat why the preoccupation with losing weight..?!?
It just p*sses me off more.. It's taking over my life, I know it shouldn't.. I don't know how to stop though. It's depressing.. plus what with everything else that's gone on this week - family stress, Juneid's LMO not coming through - I don't have time to really focus on myself and thinking straight. I feel like I've done things the right way, working out.. I guess if I am truly honest with myself I could have spent my calories on healthier options, instead of eating a lot of sweet stuff.. proper real food? Maybe that's the way forward.. to eat homecooked non-processed junk, and see if it makes a difference. With the studying it's so tempting to snack though..
Anyway I don't really feel like writing more about this today.. I'm just going to post in a couple of days I guess. On a bit of a downer and don't want it to be contagious.. xx
Having jumped on the scale for the second week in the row and stayed the same, despite all my best efforts, I felt rubbish. I know all the things that should have been running through my mind..
A) Staying the same is better than gaining weight
B) I -did- eat out all week practically and eat whatever I wanted too.. bubble tea.. haagen dazs.. lots of starbucks..
C) I'm not fat why the preoccupation with losing weight..?!?
It just p*sses me off more.. It's taking over my life, I know it shouldn't.. I don't know how to stop though. It's depressing.. plus what with everything else that's gone on this week - family stress, Juneid's LMO not coming through - I don't have time to really focus on myself and thinking straight. I feel like I've done things the right way, working out.. I guess if I am truly honest with myself I could have spent my calories on healthier options, instead of eating a lot of sweet stuff.. proper real food? Maybe that's the way forward.. to eat homecooked non-processed junk, and see if it makes a difference. With the studying it's so tempting to snack though..
Anyway I don't really feel like writing more about this today.. I'm just going to post in a couple of days I guess. On a bit of a downer and don't want it to be contagious.. xx
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Hating DHL.
Hate is a strong word, yes. But at 4:05 pm, having waited all day for this bl**dy parcel to come, I'm pretty sure it's the right word to go with.
The story goes.. Thursday, parcel came. I was at the gym. Rearranged for delivery for Friday. Waited all day. Went nowhere. Phoned up DHL at 4:45.. they said the parcel was still on it's way and that I should call back at 5:30 to check status on order. Phoned 45 minutes later. Apparently the incompetent mother of a driver who delivered my parcel on Friday said he couldn't find the address.. Even though they a) attempted delivery the previous day and left a card and b) had my number to call, no parcel came. Gym closed at 4 on Friday and so didn't go and felt guilty all weekend. Decided to myself I'd be smart and go this morning. Only, come 1 am I couldn't sleep. Until 6. So needless to say I didn't wake up until 10. By which time they should have been on their way. Only, clearly, they weren't.
J went to the gym at 2 and I was considering going, but we decided I'd be so annoyed at myself if the parcel did in fact come while I was away. So I stayed. But now it's 4:09 and I could definitely have squeezed in a run and gotten there and back in the time I wasted doing bits and bobs at home waiting for this parcel. Eeeeeeeek. Can you sense the frustration?!?! Normally it wouldn't be a train wreck but what with New Year's this week and AllyG arriving at 9:30 not 12 as I had thought a workout tomorrow morning is going to be pretty tight especially if I don't sleep tonight. I tried the lavender mask.. it didn't work. No, in fact it was uncomfortable - I know it looks all posh and pretty and satiny but how people actually sleep with those things is beyond me!
Anyway I sit and wait here, I have gotten into my gym gear in preparation and packed my gym bag so that if this goddawful parcel comes in the next 49 minutes I can sign for it and go. If not J should be home by 5 and then I can leave him to it. At this rate I won't be getting home before 7 though.. I think once I have gotten my three sessions in I will be calm, but I've done so well so far (3rd week, have been at least 3 times the past two weeks and already been twice this week) that I don't want to give up.. especially with the family drama there's a lot of stress that needs to be unleashed on that treadmill.. it's been 2.5 months since my last seizure and I really really don't want to be having one soon so I need those endorphins desperately! Too bad DHL doesn't seem to care :(
Really what I need now is some form of meditation but it's never really been my thing.. my mind always wanders :/ Where is that damn little yellow truck when I need it?!?
The story goes.. Thursday, parcel came. I was at the gym. Rearranged for delivery for Friday. Waited all day. Went nowhere. Phoned up DHL at 4:45.. they said the parcel was still on it's way and that I should call back at 5:30 to check status on order. Phoned 45 minutes later. Apparently the incompetent mother of a driver who delivered my parcel on Friday said he couldn't find the address.. Even though they a) attempted delivery the previous day and left a card and b) had my number to call, no parcel came. Gym closed at 4 on Friday and so didn't go and felt guilty all weekend. Decided to myself I'd be smart and go this morning. Only, come 1 am I couldn't sleep. Until 6. So needless to say I didn't wake up until 10. By which time they should have been on their way. Only, clearly, they weren't.
J went to the gym at 2 and I was considering going, but we decided I'd be so annoyed at myself if the parcel did in fact come while I was away. So I stayed. But now it's 4:09 and I could definitely have squeezed in a run and gotten there and back in the time I wasted doing bits and bobs at home waiting for this parcel. Eeeeeeeek. Can you sense the frustration?!?! Normally it wouldn't be a train wreck but what with New Year's this week and AllyG arriving at 9:30 not 12 as I had thought a workout tomorrow morning is going to be pretty tight especially if I don't sleep tonight. I tried the lavender mask.. it didn't work. No, in fact it was uncomfortable - I know it looks all posh and pretty and satiny but how people actually sleep with those things is beyond me!
Anyway I sit and wait here, I have gotten into my gym gear in preparation and packed my gym bag so that if this goddawful parcel comes in the next 49 minutes I can sign for it and go. If not J should be home by 5 and then I can leave him to it. At this rate I won't be getting home before 7 though.. I think once I have gotten my three sessions in I will be calm, but I've done so well so far (3rd week, have been at least 3 times the past two weeks and already been twice this week) that I don't want to give up.. especially with the family drama there's a lot of stress that needs to be unleashed on that treadmill.. it's been 2.5 months since my last seizure and I really really don't want to be having one soon so I need those endorphins desperately! Too bad DHL doesn't seem to care :(
Really what I need now is some form of meditation but it's never really been my thing.. my mind always wanders :/ Where is that damn little yellow truck when I need it?!?
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Feeling rather pleased with myself :)
Why you may ask?
Well ladies :) Yesterday after running my 10.5 K at the gym, I went off to Westfield shopping mall to meet up with J's cousins and siblings.. it was -PACKED-..as in.. -cantmoveorevengointoashoptobuyabottleofwaterPACKED-. I tried to get myself a post workout snack at Boots but after seeing the queue (yes Chelsie, it's a word) in Boots I abandoned my basket. I can always get Salt and Vinegar spirals another time.. even if they are only 73 calories per packet.. hmm. Anyway, too late now. Later on when I tried to go back to get a drink while I waited for dinner time, EVERYTHING was sold out. I was completely put off shopping, and, let's face it, I didn't actually -need- anything, so we went for dinner early.
Dinner was a halaal steakhouse that is fairly new.. the same place I went to a couple of months ago with J where he managed to scoff down 900 g of meat (sorry if you're freaking out again Chels).. anyway I was wavering between the 200 g and 300 g.. decided on a 200g fillet with scallops, asparagus and a side salad. And was pleasantly full. Just as well, because when I got home and logged it on my livestrong profile I found out that an extra 100g of fillet - which would have been too much and was essentially a case of greed - would have cost me almost 200 calories (191 to be exact) extra. Not worth it! I guess seeing as I had worked out so much it wouldn't have been a disaster at all, but as the long term goal is learning moderation, I'm glad I managed to reign myself in. :)
Today I had a fairly relaxed day, went grocery shopping and then popped in to the in laws to wish them a happy 30th anniversary. Having got home I had a quick snack of a wholewheat English muffin with Weightwatchers baked beans (surprisingly tasty, don't knock it till you've tried it.. Amanullah had a bite of mine and loved it...and we all know how anti low-fat he is)..and then headed off to the gym. Only managed a 9K today but did some incline brisk walking too and gentle incline jogging to try and mix it up :)
Dinner was a lovely grilled chilli salmon with some butternut squash and cous cous..and then to treat myself I had some custard.. mmmm just what you need for a cold winter night :) I am so looking forward to seeing my little babies verrrry soon.. poor Ally has a long long list of treats to get me (lined paper, files.. my right boot) and I don't envy her. I'm still contemplating whether or not I should haul a** and get to the gym before the flight gets in around 10:30 or a lovely lie-in.. hmmm.
All in all, a good day food and exercise wise.. only downfall was probably sleeping in too late till 11.. need to get a routine sorted especially seeing as I have to start studying for exams soon.
And because I know y'all love Usher's OMG, maybe google/Youtube Homer Simpson's christmas song.. it's being linked to OMG with speculation that well, perhaps Usher stole the idea from the Simpsons.. I've just heard it on J's laptop and it does sound kinda dodgy....Uhoh.
More tomorrow.
Lubja x
Well ladies :) Yesterday after running my 10.5 K at the gym, I went off to Westfield shopping mall to meet up with J's cousins and siblings.. it was -PACKED-..as in.. -cantmoveorevengointoashoptobuyabottleofwaterPACKED-. I tried to get myself a post workout snack at Boots but after seeing the queue (yes Chelsie, it's a word) in Boots I abandoned my basket. I can always get Salt and Vinegar spirals another time.. even if they are only 73 calories per packet.. hmm. Anyway, too late now. Later on when I tried to go back to get a drink while I waited for dinner time, EVERYTHING was sold out. I was completely put off shopping, and, let's face it, I didn't actually -need- anything, so we went for dinner early.
Dinner was a halaal steakhouse that is fairly new.. the same place I went to a couple of months ago with J where he managed to scoff down 900 g of meat (sorry if you're freaking out again Chels).. anyway I was wavering between the 200 g and 300 g.. decided on a 200g fillet with scallops, asparagus and a side salad. And was pleasantly full. Just as well, because when I got home and logged it on my livestrong profile I found out that an extra 100g of fillet - which would have been too much and was essentially a case of greed - would have cost me almost 200 calories (191 to be exact) extra. Not worth it! I guess seeing as I had worked out so much it wouldn't have been a disaster at all, but as the long term goal is learning moderation, I'm glad I managed to reign myself in. :)
Today I had a fairly relaxed day, went grocery shopping and then popped in to the in laws to wish them a happy 30th anniversary. Having got home I had a quick snack of a wholewheat English muffin with Weightwatchers baked beans (surprisingly tasty, don't knock it till you've tried it.. Amanullah had a bite of mine and loved it...and we all know how anti low-fat he is)..and then headed off to the gym. Only managed a 9K today but did some incline brisk walking too and gentle incline jogging to try and mix it up :)
Dinner was a lovely grilled chilli salmon with some butternut squash and cous cous..and then to treat myself I had some custard.. mmmm just what you need for a cold winter night :) I am so looking forward to seeing my little babies verrrry soon.. poor Ally has a long long list of treats to get me (lined paper, files.. my right boot) and I don't envy her. I'm still contemplating whether or not I should haul a** and get to the gym before the flight gets in around 10:30 or a lovely lie-in.. hmmm.
All in all, a good day food and exercise wise.. only downfall was probably sleeping in too late till 11.. need to get a routine sorted especially seeing as I have to start studying for exams soon.
And because I know y'all love Usher's OMG, maybe google/Youtube Homer Simpson's christmas song.. it's being linked to OMG with speculation that well, perhaps Usher stole the idea from the Simpsons.. I've just heard it on J's laptop and it does sound kinda dodgy....Uhoh.
More tomorrow.
Lubja x
Monday, December 27, 2010
Back to normal :)
Hello lovelies,
The Christmas weekend is over, the gym is open and normality has been restored. Yesterday was much much better than the day prior to that with my eating binge.. I woke up pretty late around midday, had some grilled chicken salad again for lunch.. got to my in laws around 5 and then had some chicken curry with pita and salad for dinner.. not exactly sure what that totalled in at but figure it met within my limit as I didn't snack on rubbish and just treated myself to a nice big cup of coffee :)
Feeling a bit sluggish having not worked out for a few days, I decided to try out the pink skipping rope I'd planned on giving my mother in law for Secret Santa - but couldn't due to my exceeding my budget - apparently. Anyway at first it unhooked itself which made me glad I -didn't- give it to her (would not have been a good reflection)..but I managed to fix it and away I went. 1000 skips and 28 minutes later I was sweaty, breathless and exhausted. Probably something I need to build myself up at but definitely a good workout, after all Katy Perry swears by it.. I kept tripping myself up though so I guess practice is going to be needed to make it perfect so I can go for it all Rocky-style... one day kids, one day.
So after a very long and exhausting day that included us playing the Apprentice (my team won but I got fired..apparently because my sister in law was the other team manager and my father in law felt it not right to hire either of us) as well as a game called Logo that turned VERY tense, I finally got to bed at 3. Woke up at 12 and had some cereal and an Alpen bar, waiting for it to digest and then I'm on my way to the gym with Juneid and his cousin, and then off to Westfield.. why exactly I'm not sure but probably just for dinner or something. Only a few more days till my little angels arrive and I am verrrrrry excited to see them :) (You know who you are)
Anyway time is ticking, I have to get ready so I'll check in a little bit later x
As always, thanks for listening :)
The Christmas weekend is over, the gym is open and normality has been restored. Yesterday was much much better than the day prior to that with my eating binge.. I woke up pretty late around midday, had some grilled chicken salad again for lunch.. got to my in laws around 5 and then had some chicken curry with pita and salad for dinner.. not exactly sure what that totalled in at but figure it met within my limit as I didn't snack on rubbish and just treated myself to a nice big cup of coffee :)
Feeling a bit sluggish having not worked out for a few days, I decided to try out the pink skipping rope I'd planned on giving my mother in law for Secret Santa - but couldn't due to my exceeding my budget - apparently. Anyway at first it unhooked itself which made me glad I -didn't- give it to her (would not have been a good reflection)..but I managed to fix it and away I went. 1000 skips and 28 minutes later I was sweaty, breathless and exhausted. Probably something I need to build myself up at but definitely a good workout, after all Katy Perry swears by it.. I kept tripping myself up though so I guess practice is going to be needed to make it perfect so I can go for it all Rocky-style... one day kids, one day.
So after a very long and exhausting day that included us playing the Apprentice (my team won but I got fired..apparently because my sister in law was the other team manager and my father in law felt it not right to hire either of us) as well as a game called Logo that turned VERY tense, I finally got to bed at 3. Woke up at 12 and had some cereal and an Alpen bar, waiting for it to digest and then I'm on my way to the gym with Juneid and his cousin, and then off to Westfield.. why exactly I'm not sure but probably just for dinner or something. Only a few more days till my little angels arrive and I am verrrrrry excited to see them :) (You know who you are)
Anyway time is ticking, I have to get ready so I'll check in a little bit later x
As always, thanks for listening :)
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Food Hangover
Ahhhhh Christmas.
I did well yesterday - or - started to. I went over to the in-laws and there was an array of food.. grilled chicken, roast beef, gravy, yorkshire puddings, roast potatoes, parsnips, brussel sprouts, baby carrots, spinach.. salad (my contribution).. rice.. naan.. I'm sure I am leaving out some things.. let's just say the table was heaving. My strategy was to bring salad which I then piled my plate high with, and had a small piece of roast beef, a couple of yorkshire puddings and loadsa steamed veg. So far so good.
Dessert - mango cheesecake, new york cheesecake, molten chocolate pudding, mince pies, pavlova.. I steered clear, had a big cup of tea - I was after all stuffed on salad and veg tbh and there was nothing really healthy-eating friendly.. and it really was a case of out of sight out of mind. I even managed to resist the pringles and walker's sensations as well as the big chocolate tin of Roses I'd bought (4 months chocolate free my friends)..
So why is it when I got home (J dropped me and went back for some boy time with his cousins as they planned a long one and I needed my rest).. I found myself scoffing things I didn't even really want? It started off with a bag of skinny popcorn, then another. Then a packet of sunchips. Then a solero. Then, I am ashamed to say, 2 Eat Natural bars and a bag of cheetos.
At the end of it I felt sick. Damage wise I think I totalled 2300 calories give or take. Not a train wreck given I should be eating about 1900 calories a day and I've been eating healthily and working out the rest of the week, but an unnecessary binge, and something I haven't done in a long long time. I feel a little bit annoyed at myself yes, but I'm not going to make myself feel guilty. Because everyone has one of 'those' days..where you sorta lose the plot. It's kinda expected on Christmas. And, well, in the past I would have done the same thing but NOT exercised. Having been three times this week and planning a nice run tomorrow I am not going to beat myself up about this, because thats not what this process is about.
The positive thing? How cr*p I felt when I woke up. I felt bloated and dehydrated.. probably from all that sodium, and just generally rubbish. It was like I had a food hangover. Granted, not nearly as bad as a normal hangover.. I wasn't about to throw up and the room wasn't spinning or anything, but rubbish enough I hope, to not do it again.
I received some compliments yesterday about how good I was looking which felt great.. I know Ally is worried about me, I love you for that, but don't. I won't let myself look scary or go below a healthy BMI. I'm going to focus more on toning, an amount of cardio thats enough to keep my body healthy and strength training.. because, well, at MY AGE I need to start doing some weights to prevent loss of bone mass... or I'll get osteoporosis right baby? After all, my sixties are just around the corner :P
I'm not proud about yesterday, but I've learnt something. And in the end thats what matters more than a temporary jump on the scale.
Thanks for listening :)
I did well yesterday - or - started to. I went over to the in-laws and there was an array of food.. grilled chicken, roast beef, gravy, yorkshire puddings, roast potatoes, parsnips, brussel sprouts, baby carrots, spinach.. salad (my contribution).. rice.. naan.. I'm sure I am leaving out some things.. let's just say the table was heaving. My strategy was to bring salad which I then piled my plate high with, and had a small piece of roast beef, a couple of yorkshire puddings and loadsa steamed veg. So far so good.
Dessert - mango cheesecake, new york cheesecake, molten chocolate pudding, mince pies, pavlova.. I steered clear, had a big cup of tea - I was after all stuffed on salad and veg tbh and there was nothing really healthy-eating friendly.. and it really was a case of out of sight out of mind. I even managed to resist the pringles and walker's sensations as well as the big chocolate tin of Roses I'd bought (4 months chocolate free my friends)..
So why is it when I got home (J dropped me and went back for some boy time with his cousins as they planned a long one and I needed my rest).. I found myself scoffing things I didn't even really want? It started off with a bag of skinny popcorn, then another. Then a packet of sunchips. Then a solero. Then, I am ashamed to say, 2 Eat Natural bars and a bag of cheetos.
At the end of it I felt sick. Damage wise I think I totalled 2300 calories give or take. Not a train wreck given I should be eating about 1900 calories a day and I've been eating healthily and working out the rest of the week, but an unnecessary binge, and something I haven't done in a long long time. I feel a little bit annoyed at myself yes, but I'm not going to make myself feel guilty. Because everyone has one of 'those' days..where you sorta lose the plot. It's kinda expected on Christmas. And, well, in the past I would have done the same thing but NOT exercised. Having been three times this week and planning a nice run tomorrow I am not going to beat myself up about this, because thats not what this process is about.
The positive thing? How cr*p I felt when I woke up. I felt bloated and dehydrated.. probably from all that sodium, and just generally rubbish. It was like I had a food hangover. Granted, not nearly as bad as a normal hangover.. I wasn't about to throw up and the room wasn't spinning or anything, but rubbish enough I hope, to not do it again.
I received some compliments yesterday about how good I was looking which felt great.. I know Ally is worried about me, I love you for that, but don't. I won't let myself look scary or go below a healthy BMI. I'm going to focus more on toning, an amount of cardio thats enough to keep my body healthy and strength training.. because, well, at MY AGE I need to start doing some weights to prevent loss of bone mass... or I'll get osteoporosis right baby? After all, my sixties are just around the corner :P
I'm not proud about yesterday, but I've learnt something. And in the end thats what matters more than a temporary jump on the scale.
Thanks for listening :)
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