Back in London

So it's my first full day back in London, I arrived yesterday morning and slept through most of my day, and meals weren't exactly balanced..a homemade chicken sandwich for breakfast, lunch was a bowl of Cheerios at four, and supper was all over the place, an egg white omelette (lovingly prepared by the resident expert in our home), a veggie burger, and a piece of toast.. and randomly some jalapeno peppers.

This morning I am sadly back to my ways of sorts, I have weighed myself and find myself to be just under a pound and a half heavier than the weight I was just before I went to Canada 10 days ago.. I suspect it's more the fact that I haven't been to the bathroom (TMI? Dad reckons I don't eat enough)..and the reintroduction of carbohydrates to my body. I am desperately fighting between the thoughts running through my mind.. (You weight x amount.. just deal with it, it's normal, it's FINE, I'm still thin)..and the person I am trying to fight inside ('Well, really, seeing as I haven't been to the bathroom I probably weigh at least a pound less - I told you it was TMI - I'm even thinner').. I feel it serves me right, I downed half a bottle of a laxative last night in a bid to make sure I went to the bathroom this morning, thus achieving my 'true weight'.. of course, it tasted vile and didn't work.

However, I am making a concerted effort to be a big girl about it and accept the reality. This is how much I am. I am going to go to the gym today, as well as to the grocery store, and plan on stocking up on some fruit and veg and healthy whole grains.. and I am going to take each day as it comes. I have had some bad news and have an exam to study for in May.. I've given myself three weeks (until after my brother's wedding in the first week of Jan)..and then a strict studying regime needs to begin.. and I need to have the energy and discipline to carry through with it.. let's face it, a no carb extreme-restriction diet is just not going to cut it.. I need to prioritise.

I also don't need the emotional baggage that comes with stuffing my face while studying and then regretting it later.. I am going to try and work in, over the next few weeks, a reasonable, maintainable exercise schedule.. I figure it will help clear my mind while studying too. I'm aiming for 1 hour 4-5 times a week, maybe a half hour walk around the local park on the days that I can't get to the gym, just to clear my head. The recommendation is that we move our bodies at least half an hour a day so I figure that way I am at least getting my allotted time each day :)

I guess I wasn't wrong when I said it was going to be a bit of struggle to get my thoughts back to normal, clearly today is evidence of that -but hopefully I will get there.. I'm trying to stop the negative thoughts before they take hold and eventually one day they will stop altogether - hopefully thats not wishful thinking.