A stern talk..

The thing about reading this blog for some of you I fear, is that it will be very frustrating. I started it just over a week ago and I had huge aspirations about becoming normal, thinking like a non-crazy person and cultivating a beautiful relationship with food. While I had no illusions that this would happen overnight, I guess over the first week I did think to myself, 'Hey, this is kinda easy..maybe I am on a winning streak'..

BUT then.. (and there is always a but)..
I stayed the same. Weight that is. And the alarm bells start to ring. And I go back to being paranoid..

See, I hadn't minded that my weight hadn't changed since last Wednesday, I thought, well I haven't been to the bathroom in a long time (TMI I know but to be fair I have already discussed it this week).. so I decided to take a laxative because, well folks, a week is a LONG time. And then, once I had been up a fair few hours of the night, was my reward a pound or two lighter? (Despite what I've written about it merely being water weight part of me secretly wanted to see the scale at least a little bit lighter).. no, in fact, I was the same. EXACTLY the same. To the decimal point. Now, either my scale hates me or is broken or my body just refuses to budge. Pardon me for being a little bit p*ssed off, but I had run 41.5 km this week, watched what I'd eaten, perhaps even eaten too little.. I expected some results. After I stepped on the scale 3, yes THREE times, I lay myself down on the bed and gave myself a talking to.

It went along the lines of..

a) You are a crazy neurotic b*tch
b) Scales don't mean anything (still trying to work myself into believing this one.. I think I get there and a few days later I change my mind and refuse to believe it)
c) The aim of this blog is to change the crazy neuroticb*tch like way of thinking
d) Even if you HAVE gained a lb, or not lost, well, you're not even near oevrweight, you're not in a rush to lose weight for some event - after all my lovely Pucci is very flattering - so calm the f*ck down.

Eventually I felt that bit better..I have to confess I started writing this post a few days ago and didn't get a chance to finish it mainly because it was my bday (yay) and I was shopping the day before that (Lots and lots of yay moments that day).. but I did eventually go to the bathroom, and of course the paranoia was still there as I weighed myself. And had lost a lb. It may have been water weight though (damnit), because it was back again at 4 am when I couldn't sleep and despite my hardest attempt -notto- weighed myself ..only to find I had gained it back. Oh damn.

Well.. maybe I should weigh myself less.. like.. once every two weeks instead of once a week? Thoughts? There are only a handful of you that read this so you can get hold of me and let me know what you think. It's Christmas today so I best get up.. my attempts to bring something healthy to the table.. ie a salad that I planned on making pretty exciting were thwarted because apparently 'No one will eat it'.. is it too neurotic to make my own little salad and take it with me? I might just do that.. hmmm..

Okay best to go, will maybe post later. I love you little ladies that read me. Merry Xmas. x