So it's been a while since I have posted, it's not that I haven't meant to but I guess things got in the way.. I've been pretty good actually, this week I managed to get into the gym three times and run 10 K each time, varying the pace so that my body doesn't get used to it, and I've been eating healthily so it's been a good first week :)
The title relates to laxative abuse.. I think I mentioned at some point that I have had a bit of err trouble which is probably related to my IBS which I had anyway, and have been taking Dulcolax.. I've found myself somewhat reluctant though to weigh myself unless I've well, taken the dulco and it's worked.. anyway I thought my behaviour was a little bit strange, and remember having read about laxative abuse.. so I researched it. The good news is that well laxative abusers take about 20 pills a day, the max I have taken is about 2 twice a week, so I'm nowhere near to the level of abuse.. but the thought process behind it.. ie that it will make me lighter before I weigh myself, has some similarities. I know that those who abuse it falsely believe that if they take a laxative straight after a binge they won't put on weight, in that they use it as another method of purging.. now as a medic I know that to not be true.. however the weight that I perceive myself to be post laxative is really just water weight.. so there's no point.
The other thing is that the long term effects of laxatives - rebound constipation and permanent damage to your digestive system, in that it might not ever work without ..'help'.. as well as many other scary things, were enough to make me decide to not take them again.. at least not for the purpose I was thinking of. Instead I am upping my fluids, putting time in at the gym and eating lots of fruit and veg :) I even treated myself to an Original Glazed Krispy Kreme, which I hadn't had in absolute ages, a few days ago.. thoroughly enjoyed it, and for 190 calories I didn't feel guilty at all.. it's all about moderation right?
I dragged myself to the gym in the snow today, and was so reluctant to go, but knew if I went I'd feel so much better.. and I did. Even though it was hard initially to push myself through that workout.. I contemplated doing a 5K only, then a 7.5 K... then finally managed to do the 10K and it felt like a serious achievement! I am proud :)
While I'd like to get to going to the gym 5 times a week, three times in 5 days has been boding pretty well and I'd be happy with myself, especially in exam times, to go 4 times for an intense cardio session, with perhaps a bit of yoga inbetween. Having said that I am still awaiting my first session and am a little bit confused as to what to wear.. do I go barefoot.. take my shoes off when I get there.. bring my own mat? Will either have to ask around or phone up the gym.. as it is I have a feeling I am going to look like a bit of an idiot compared to all the toned enlightened ladies next to me whilst attempting the poses, I might as well be dressed to fit in even if I stick out like a sore thumb in other respects :-(
Tomorrow I am going to try on a dress potentially for Naz's wedding.. fingers crossed I look good.. I bought a dress that was a size 2.. which apparently corresponds to UK 10 for that style of sizing.. and it didn't zip all the way up.. naturally I felt bad but I am not going to keep it.. 'in the hope that I lose enough weight'.. as I would have done previously.. let's face it, it didn't zip up at my rib cage which is already a bit bony atm, I doubt I can lose weight there.. it's the cut and style of the dress.. it's not that I'm fat.. I have made peace with it, and that's kinda a big step for me.. here's to more :)
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